That bitch is gettin’ hitched! Isn’t everyone nowadays? At least it seems that way on Facebook and everywhere else. I guess I am just at that age where people are either drunk on a bench somewhere after a long night or starting a life. Either way, the inevitable will happen. You’ll get asked to be in a wedding, and then to attend the best part…THE BACHELORETTE PARTY! (dances around in underwear!)
Unless you’re a travel expert like myself (at least that’s what I like to think) your bitches might not know the best places to take shots before tying the knot! #hatethosestupidshirts. Well, have no fear, I will give you the inside scoop!
Here are the best bachelorette destinations in the United States for every type of
bitch bride to be!
Key West, FL for the Beach Babe Bachelorette
Take a trip down south to the beautiful bachelorette destination of Key West! You and the girls can drink margaritas out of dick straws until your face turns blue! Enjoy the sand, the beach, and a relaxing low-key night on the town. Or, if you’re like us, rent a big pink hummer limo to take you bar hopping around the city! The bars love when you bring brides on stage and tend to feed them liquor by the boatload. No matter which activity you plan on doing, make sure it’s here!
Sonoma, CA for the Wine Lover
What group of girls doesn’t like gettin’ fancy drinking wine with their pinkies up? Sonoma is Napa Valleys cheap cousin, that’s definitely underrated. Having visited both wine regions, Sonoma is the more laid back, budget-friendly option. Which is perfect if you and your bitches are traveling from the other side of the US.
Here you will find a mix of Chardonnay, Chateaus and lots of shopping! Yes, you heard right. You and the girls can explore castles while sippin’ on some fine wine. All of your dreams come true here!
Charleston, SC for the Country Chic Bachelorette
The chic(iest) and vibrant city of Charleston are sure to get that estrogen flowin! Girls, step up to the beautiful town of Charleston. This place gives off the sweet southern charm that just feels like home. The girls should all pitch in and rent a cute plantation home so you can gossip over whose boning who together! No hotels walls to keep you separated or guest to snitch on y’all for being “out of hand”. Which will totally happen.
Having your own place will also bring the girls together by cooking and conversing over the dinner table! It doesn’t have to be all about partying! If partying is more your scene though, there is no shortage of rooftop bars and restaurants to dance the night away!
New Orleans, LA for the Trashy Bride
You know I like to pick on you, but yes I mean trashy! Strictly because the city is literally trashy. Trash and debris and puke everywhere. Who wouldn’t want to put on their worst pair of shoes and party here? Male strip club? Check. Dive bars with jello shots in syringes? Check. Dance party on the street in the middle of the afternoon? Check check check.
Nothing wrong with wanting to get down and dirty on the infamous streets of NOLA. You might even find yourself a couple of guys with no teeth and biker jackets lookin’ to take you for a spin on their Harley. With your bitches, you’re bound to have a good time!
Miami, FL for the Boujie Bachelorette
Oh yeah, Miami is the place to be. Call me boujie all you want, but my idea of fun is club hoppin’ in next to nothing clothing until the sun comes up! Some of the most luxurious nightclubs, hotels, AND my fav…strip club can be found here! From dusk till dawn there is something for everyone! High-end shopping, beach clubs for day drinking and some of the most mouth-watering food you can imagine. Grab your girls, and your highest pair of stilettos for a night you probably won’t remember.
Also, check out my Ultimate Bring your Bitches Guide to Miami for some more inspiration!
Scottsdale, AZ for the Spa Enthusiast
Yes, Scottsdale. I know what you might be thinking…WTF?? Well, maybe your bride to be just wants to spend some time getting some rest and relaxation before her big day! Don’t hate. I hear planning a wedding is no joke! (Also because I already planned my entire wedding on Pinterest but who’s counting right?) Have an all-out pampering party weekend where you sip champagne, stay in fluffy robes and enjoy each others company.
A weekend is really all you need before you pull each other’s weave out. If you wanna get a little freaky though, the New York Times dubbed Scottsdale the ” The desert version of Miami’s South Beach!” Uh oh, you’re in for a treat then. You can keep it casual at a speakeasy for some high-class cocktails or simply grab a cold beer at the local beer garden! Just make sure not to drink after you get massages! That will take your drunk level from 0-100 real quick!
Cape Cod, MA for the Preppy Princess
Martha, we’re comin’ for ya! New Englander’s live for the summertime, so grab your girls and hit the beautiful beaches of Cape Cod. A relatively inexpensive place to have the time of your life. Bonding is one of the key aspects of this trip, so another house in a cozy corner will do the trick! Drag your girls across the bay to Nantucket Island and sip your favorite frozen drinks before you hit the town!
Don’t forget to see a sunset! #lastsunsetbeforeyou’reshitfaced (see I can make cool hashtags too). Whats a bachelorette weekend without some wild karaoke? Pull yourself together to hit up some of the most notable spots in Cape Cod…and don’t worry, you’ll be partying with about 20 other brides that night! So wear your best face and have a blast here!
Las Vegas, NV for the Party Pleaser
Just so you know, if I ever get married, Las Vegas will FOR SURE be my bachelorette destination! The glitz, the glamour, the alcohol galore. No girl will be upset with your choice of Las Vegas! Sure, you will wear wedges to pool parties and sing your heart out to the Britney Spears show, but that’s the beauty of Vegas…the possibilities are endless!
Want an adventure? Zipline across Freemont Street! Wanna show off your shitty gambling skills? Hotel hop to any casino. Wanna see a bunch of hot guys dance around? Head to the Chippendale Show. Don’t forget that limo rides to the strip clubs are free! (They aren’t as good as Miami) or rent a party bus to take your shit show on the road! Ah, I can just hear the bad decisions already. The best part? After a long weekend, you can call up the Hangover Bus to come to fill you and the girls up with the vitamins and nutrients you need to make it back to reality!
Savannah, GA for the Southern Girl
Probably the most picturesque on the list is the sweet southern city of Savannah. It’s been increasingly popular lately and there is no reason it shouldn’t be on your list! Instead of corny shirts, get matching corny tumblers instead! Why? Because Savannah’s drinking law is that you can do it in public!
Even more so in public (while also getting a workout) is the boozy cruise around the city on the beer bike! You and your closest girls can slow ride around town, jammin out to music while peddlin’ through the city. Never fret, I didn’t forget about the must-do boozy brunch! Savannah has so many local spots that are perfect for any taste buds! After you get a nice buzz, bring your bitches to a drag show! You will laugh until you cry!
San Diego, CA for the Foodie
From fresh poke to popsicles to blush pink cafe’s, San Diego is a food lovers paradise! You and the girls can let loose and stuff your faces with some world-renowned food. The town of Little Italy has a diverse choice of raw bars and coffee shops while Old Town has some iconic Mexican restaurants.
To keep the girl power goin’, you can even head to the Female Owned Distillery. Babes and whiskey brews go hand in hand! After you slowly die from overeating, don’t forget to have a slumber party at any swanky hotel! Get your bitches for a weekend of food and fun!
Nashville, TN for the Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk Bachelorette
Had to quote the one country song I know. Ah Nashville, you truly are something special. Quite a step up from New Orleans but still below Charleston you find the country music lovers city of Nashville. Kick off those heels girl, and trade those pumps for some cowgirl boots.
For a wild weekend here, plan on enjoying lots of live music, dive bars, and a killer social scene. With everything from upscale brunch spots, to social hangout lounges, to bustling restaurants…you can’t go wrong in this city.
Well, there you have it, my sweet little babes, to be…the best bachelorette destinations in the US!
If you plan on gettin’ hitched anytime soon, hopefully, you choose one of these bachelorette destinations to make it unforgettable! (Like it will really matter…because you’ll probably be wasted the whole time). Where have you been on a bachelorette party that was epic?? Have I skipped any good ones?
Until next time…